


It's Quiet Uptown

by KLK1618



Category: Hamilton - Fandom, Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:54:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29646750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KLK1618/pseuds/KLK1618
Summary: Olivia and Rafael have been having some marriage troubles but when the unimaginable happens they realize that life is too short to be holding grudges.
Relationships: Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./Amanda Rollins, Rafael Barba & Olivia Benson & Noah Porter Benson, Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson
Comments: 8
Kudos: 17





	1. The Unimaginable

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is based on the songs Stay Alive (Reprise) and “It’s Quiet Uptown” from Hamilton. If any you know the context of those songs. Then you may already know what this fic will entail. 
> 
> I had a visceral reaction when the idea for this fic came to my head while listening to these songs. I could feel my heart sink and even clutched my chest because of it- that’s how I knew I needed to write this story. 
> 
> Many of the lines in this story are or are based on lyrics from the songs. So for those lines, all credit goes to the genius that is Lin-Manuel Miranda

_ It’s a rainy day in March when Olivia gets a call from Amanda  _

Olivia: Hi Amanda. I just finished up here. I’m about to head over to the park now. I-

_ Amanda shakily interrupts her  _

Amanda: Liv I, I. 

_ Olivia sits up at her desk and clutches her cellphone  _

O: Amanda what’s the matter? Are Noah and the girls okay?

A: No. A black van stopped by the park and a man got out and started shooting. Noah’s been shot. 

_ Olivia’s heart drops _

O: No

A: We’re on our way to Mercy General right now. Liv I’m sorry. 

O: I’m on my way. Please keep him company. 

A: Of course. 

_ Olivia runs out of her office. Fin notices her state of sheer panic.  _

Fin: Liv what’s the matter?

O: Noah’s been shot. 

_ Fin’s face drops  _

Kat: Oh my god. 

_ Kat looks visibly shaken _

Fin: Do you want me to call Bar-

_ Olivia glares at Fin _

O: Don’t say his name. Not after what he did to me

F: Liv, Noah’s his son too. 

O: I know. But he was my son first- I need to go see him. 

F: Go. 

_ Olivia rushes out of the precinct. Fin picks up his cellphone  _

( _ On the phone) _

Barba: Hello

F: Fin it’s Barba. You may want to sit down for this. 

_ At the hospital Olivia rushes to the receptionist desk  _

O: I’m Olivia Benson. My son Noah was brought in with a- 

_ She can barely say the words _

O: A gunshot wound

_ Suddenly Noah’s doctor, Celia Lee walks over to Olivia. Oliva covers her mouth and gasps at the sight of blood on her scrubs _

Celia: Olivia

O: Celia, What happened?

Nurse: Noah got shot in his chest, dangerously close to heart so due to his young age we can’t remove the bullet.

O: Will he be okay?

Nurse: He should be coming out of surgery soon to control the bleeding. We’ll let you know when you can see him. 

O: Thank you 

_ Olivia reaches for a tissue out of her purse to wipe her eyes when her oh so “loving” husband rushes over _

B: I’m sorry. I came as quick as I heard

O: Where have you been? Oh wait, don't tell me with another woman, right?

B: You and I both know this isn’t the time nor place. Now where’s Noah?

_ Before she can answer, Carisi runs up to the two clearly verklempt, papers sticking out of his briefcase. Kat following behind him _

K: We’re here. 

O: Sonny, I thought you were in court. 

Carisi: The judge gave us a recess due to the circumstances. How’s Noah doing? 

O: He should be coming out of surgery soon. He was shot in the chest.

B: Dios mio. 

  
  
  


_ Amanda walks over, clearly shaken. _

A: I’m sorry. I had to call Sienna to come take the girls, they were in hysterics. 

_ She can barely look Olivia and Rafeal in the eye. _

A: Liv, Rafeal I am so sorry, I turned my head for a second to help Jesse and-

_ Amanda chokes back a sob _

A: He was on the ground. This is all my fault.

_ Amanda can’t hold it back anymore. She sobs into Carisi’s chest _

C: Amanda this is not your fault 

B: He’s right Amanda. The only person who is at fault here is whoever shot him

_ Amanda lifts her head and wipes the tears from her eyes.  _

A: It was Richard Smith. 

C: Evan Smith’s father? The man Liv arrested the other day?

K: So this was personal?

F: Want me to go arrest the guy?

A: No need. They arrested him at the scene. 

F: Fine. Want me to go take care of the guy?

_ The squad knows exactly what Fin is implying. Olivia’s voice starts to break.  _

O: No. I just want you all here. Please 

K: Of course Captain. 

_ Celia walks back over  _

B: How is he?

_ Celia looks solemn _

Ce: He lost a lot of blood and the bullet is stuck in chest. I wish I could give you better news right now, but it's still very touch and go.

_ Olivia’s voice barely reaches a whisper _

O: Can I go see him?

B: Can  _ we  _ go see him?

_ Olivia glares at Barba  _

Ce: Yes you can go see him. But I want to warn you that it won’t be pretty.

_ The squad goes to head to Noah’s room, but Celia stops them _

Ce: I’m sorry, I know you all want to see him but I can only allow Olivia and Rafeal to go due to his condition.

_ Olivia and Rafael look at the squad all sad, but knowing that Noah needs to see his parents. The two head into his hospital room. Olivia nearly breaks down right then and there at the sight of her son, the one she’s raised since he was an infant surrounded by machines and wires, bandanges all around his chest-but she knows she needs to remain strong for him. Rafael too is willing himself not to cry at the boy’s state. The boy who quite literally jumped for joy when his parents announced they would be getting married and that after the adoption Rafael would be his father. The same boy who couldn’t understand why dad wasn’t always around any more, and why mom is angry to the point of tears when thinking of the woman dad called “just a friend”. _

  
  


Noah: Mom, Dad!

_ Noah’s excitement at finally seeing his parents again is drowned out by the very apparent raspiness in his voice. The two adults rush to either side of Noah’s hospital bed.  _

  
  


O: Hi sweet boy.

_ Olivia gently ruffles the boy’s hair. Noah gives a small, weak smile. He goes to hug her but Rafael gently stops him _

B: No Noah. Save your strength.

_ Noah turns to look at his mom _

N: Mom, I did everything you told me to do. I heard a shot and I got low on the ground. I’m sorry I wasn’t fast enough. 

_ Barba’s voice is shaky, his eyes filling with tears. _

B: No mijo, you did everything perfectly. 

N: I don’t feel so good. My chest hurts. 

O: Hold on honey. Everything will be alright. 

N: I’m getting really tired 

O: Stay with us sweet boy. 

N: I love you mama. 

_ Noah turns to Rafael _

N: You too dad.

O & B: We love you Noah

N: I know.

_ Noah closes his eyes and suddenly the monitors stop beeping  _

O: No, no. Please no. 

_ Olivia hugs her son’s lifeless body and Barba can only look on as tears fall from his face _

_ There are moments that the words don't reach _

_ There is suffering too terrible to name _

_ You hold your child as tight as you can _

  
  


_ Barba has to pull Olivia away from Noah’s body as the sobs fill the room. He takes her back to the waiting room and the squad knows when they see their faces that Noah is gone. Celia tries to give her condolences, but they fall on deaf ears as the “family” sits in the hospital lobby crying until daybreak.  _


	2. Living With The Unimaginable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and feedback are welcome (:

_It’s been a_ _few weeks since Noah’s funeral. The service was beautiful and everyone came, even Elliot Stabler. Uncle Sonny gave a moving eulogy calling Noah “the boy that inspired everyone to love as much as he did”, but still no one could find the words to comfort the grief-stricken parents. Noah’s grave is placed in a beautiful garden in the local cemetery, only the best for “our sweet boy”._

_The squad all grieves differently. Amanda has taken solace in Carisi, very much still believing that she didn’t do enough to prevent this tragedy, and has very rarely let her girls out of her sight. Jesse and Billie still don't understand why their cousin Noah is just gone- they love him and they want him back. Carisi is trying to give Amanda as much love as she needs, helping her and the girls heal. He lights a candle at his church for Noah every Sunday and prays that God takes care of him- his faith helps him cope. Fin decides to spend more time with Jaden, latching onto the little boy, losing Noah confirmed what he already knew- whatever time you have on this Earth, use it to spend time with the ones you love most. Kat, while new to the squad, knew from the moment Olivia started talking about Noah that he was a special boy and she can’t believe that he’s gone. He even started calling her Auntie Kat. She dives into her work hoping that somehow going above and beyond will give her Captain a sense that she truly cares._

_Chief Garland told Olivia to take as much time off as she needs but they both know she may never come back. Especially since she and Rafael moved uptown. The park is just too close to their house, and it brings up too many memories. They all need to learn to live with the unimaginable._

_There are moments that the words don't reach. There's a grace too powerful to name. We push away what we can never understand. We push away the unimaginable_

_It’s a sunny day in April and Rafael visits Noah’s grave, just talking to him. Every so often he looks around expecting the boy to run into arms- but he knows that will never happen again._

  
  


B: Noah you would like it uptown, it’s quiet uptown. 

_For the first time in a long time, Rafael gets down on his knees and prays_

_And I pray. That never used to happen before._

B: God I pray that our sweet boy is doing what he does best, loving everyone to the best of his ability and that he’s up there dancing with the biggest smile on his face. You have a beautiful angel with you now. Amen.

_He does his cross and gets up off the ground while wiping the tears from his face. Olivia walks up behind him._

  
  


O: I figured I’d find you here. 

B: I come here every day.

  
 _His hair has gone grey, he passes every day._ _They say he walks the length of the city_

O: I know you do. We both do.

_Barba looks over at Olivia who is trying to remain strong_

O: I thought I should let you know that Evan Smith got sentenced to life in jail with no parole, and Richard Smith was killed while waiting for release on bail.

B: Not good enough. He should be rotting in jail for what he did. 

O: But at least now he’s burning in hell. 

B: Thank you for telling me.

O: Consider it professional courtesy. 

  
  


_Olivia looks away and silence fills the air. Rafael knows he needs to make this right. He walks over to Olivia who won't meet his eye but he speaks anyway._

B: Liv, Look at where we are. Look at where we started. I know I don't deserve you. But hear me out, that would be enough. If I could spare his life. If I could trade his life for mine. He'd be standing here right now. And you would smile, and that would be enough. 

_Rafael continues speaking through his tears._

B: I don't pretend to know the challenges we're facing. I know there's no replacing what we've lost, And you need time.

_Olivia looks at him, tears streaming down her face_

B: But I'm not afraid, I know who I married. Just let me stay here by your side, and that would be enough.

_Barba gets closer to Olivia, looking her right in the eye_

B: I’m sorry I cheated on you, and I’m even more sorry that it took the loss of our son for me to even think of reconciling with you. I love you Liv, and only you. I will never hurt you again and if you let me, I will be with you while you grieve and while you heal. Te amo mi amor.

_Olivia knows that he is sincere_

O: I will never forget what you did to me, but 

_She looks to Noah’s grave and her voice cracks_

O: But I can’t do this without you Rafa. I’m willing to try this again. It’s what Noah would’ve wanted, and I want it too. 

B: Liv I will spend the rest of my waking moments making it up to you, showing you how much I love you. 

_He reaches out for her hand_

O: I know. I forgive you. 

  
  


_Forgiveness can you imagine?_

  
  


_They are standing in the garden. Standing there side by side. She takes his hand._

  
  


O _:_ It's quiet uptown

  
  
  


O: I love you Rafeal.

B: I love you too Olivia. 

_Olivia and Rafeal hold each other’s hands while they turn to look back at their son’s grave_

O: And we love you sweet boy

B: And we always will Noah. Always 

_They hug each other and quietly sob through their smiles_

_They are going through the unimaginable. But at least they have each other._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay Alive (Reprise): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thFXSNSO9xQ
> 
> it's Quiet Uptown: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DK4QRnBiTPA

**Author's Note:**

> Stay Alive (Reprise): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thFXSNSO9xQ
> 
> it's Quiet Uptown: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DK4QRnBiTPA


End file.
